So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
