singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
