Nicole vs. Life
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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