Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
