what day is it and did you see me today?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
