people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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