At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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