your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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