She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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