I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
