I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
