So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
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You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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