New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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