Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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