I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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