Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He has the fingertips of a God
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