Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
