just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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