Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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