You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
