Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
