I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
