Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
