with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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