I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Randomize
