I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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