You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
