I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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