I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
