Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
