i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
