guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
