I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
