Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
