he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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