Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
