my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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