there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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