there was a trapeze. enough said
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
