would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
