I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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