the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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