I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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