I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
