i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
