i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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