Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just want to make out with him forever
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
