My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
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Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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