I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
