Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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