he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
