I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
