i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
