Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You pole danced in your parka.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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