I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
