i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
