he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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