ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
