The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
