is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
