last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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