i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
