he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
