My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
