i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
