Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
