If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
