Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
