oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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