Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
