If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
