I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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