If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
