Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
